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Entering December, Cross Keys recorded just two wins from eight starts and there was a great deal of pessimism surrounding the grand old Gwent club’s faithful. Languishing in the four teams drop zone, life was uncomfortable for the Keys.

It seemed like the Pandy Park club would be going through a bleak mid-winter as the final month of the year and decade approached. By the looks of things, all involved with Cross Keys were good little boys and girls, as Santa gave them a nice little run of form in the up to the festive season and beyond before progressing into the New Year.

Winning three of their five games during this period, the Keys are resurrected and have now reached the twenty league points mark for the season. Their two defeats during the last couple of months have been against Cardiff Met and of course, Pontypool, so there’s no shame there.

The victories have come against Trebanos (29-15) and we all know how tough a nut they can be to crack. Ystrad Rhondda at Gelligaled, who themselves have shaken themselves out of their inexplicable doldrums and are enjoying a resurgence; which everyone who remember the team from last season knew would come. Then there was that win for the Keys in the first fixture of the new decade, a 19-17 defeat of Bedwas, which in reality has ended the Was’ pursuit of an immediate return to the Indigo Premiership. It just goes to prove what can be achieved on a good day.

So the former giants of Gwent and Welsh rugby, the only village to have been crowned Welsh club champions not once, but twice, have awoken from their slumber and that is good to see. The Quins just hope Cross Keys hit the ‘snooze button’ for just one more weekend.

There is no doubt the return of Richard Cornock has played a part in the green shoots of a turnaround appearing. Gwion Jones is another stabilising factor with his performance levels always high.

Behind the scrum Zac Bartlett is a regular little livewire. Centre Corey Nicholls is the safe pair of hands in the three-quarters.

After the defeat at South Parade, Cross Keys are determined to put the record straight on their Pandy Park patch. They will feel a more disciplined performance would set the seal on another vital win that will see them close the gap on the Quins to five points.

It will be the Quins job to heap the pressure on the Keys just as they did on their paddock. In recent weeks the Quins have been elated with an on the road win at Glamorgan Wanderers. Then the defeat to Bargoed was heavy, but not life threatening. It is how they bounce back this week and put in an eighty minutes performance in the manner of the Memorial Ground match, which will truly count in the table.

Entering the stop/start period of the campaign it is vitally important to end each period of pre-international breaks on a high. There is little worse for a sportsman than to have to dwell on defeat for the best part of a month before being able to do anything about it.

Of the Quins’ last three games, the tries recorded against Tata Steel were top drawer. There were even plusses in the Bargoed defeat. Meanwhile the Glamorgan Wanderers victory was right up there in terms of importance and instilling a feel-good factor among everyone at the Quins, who were left glowing after the whole-hearted, dogged display.

It’s this attitude that will allow the Quins to build up momentum in individual matches and coming months. 

Visiting Pandy Park is not a new experience for the Quins. For years the teams tussled it out. Cross Keys United would oppose the Llynfi men, usually in midweek, for years before fixtures came to a halt in 1994.

Now whether it is true or not, it may be down to an incident where two Quins people combined to create a scene in what was referred to as ‘Balloon Dance-Gate.’ It is said the miscreants may have been banned sine dine from Cross Keys. Some say the pair are going to flagrantly ignore the punishment and attend the match on Saturday. There are even those who state not only will the duo attend the match, they will enter the clubhouse to re-enact their deplorable display! The story goes...

After a mid-week game everyone was imbibing in the usual post-match revelries when a player, who, for the purpose of anonymity will be called Tayne Whomas turned to a former Quins associate, the successful Quins Bedlinog Sevens team manager, discraced military officer and bon viveur David Forbes-Adaire and said: “Did you see what I saw in the hall?

“Balloons,” came the reply.

At the time the ‘Balloon Dance’ was popular on the adult version to Tiswas – OTT. The dance involved naked men using balloons to cover their modesty, holding them over each other’s personal property and before removing them and placing another rubber sphere strategically in front of another dancer’s luncheon meat all to the sound of music, without ever revealing what lurked behind the delicate spherical screens.

In less than a minute the two were in hall, collecting balloons in their birthday suits. Tayne chose Corona’s massive hit: ‘This Is the Rhythm of the Night’. The beat was slightly too quick for Forbes-Adaire’s liking, but he followed the lead of his musical director. The show must go on.

As soon as those hallowed words of the first line (‘This is the rhythm of the night’) blared from the clubhouse jukebox, with balloons strategically placed the terrible two burst in through the double doors gyrating like demented, paler, wider Tom Jones’.

It could be claimed the crowd were surprised by the blubbery blitzkrieg imposed on their eyeballs. Beer was spat out, un-chewed sandwiches and crisps dropped from open mouths, some ladies furtively turned their faces away… blushing. Secretary Cyril John’s face was also red, don’t know why, but it was time to party and with the two in true Magnus Magnusson Mastermind “I’ve started so I’ll finish” mode, there was another four minutes of this flesh baring to negotiate!

At the start of the second verse came the movement of balloons. This is where the problems started. For some unknown reason when the balloons were placed in front of Thayne’s love dart, they would burst revealing more than he bargained for. The same happened when covering Whomas’ somewhat sizeable booty, with the balloons whizzing off around the room to the sound of loud, low pitched flatulence, leaving the assembled captive audience aghast at the extent of the prop’s fleshy full moon. Forbes-Adaire could not understand why this happened. Luckily he had thought of bringing a large number of replacement inflatables from the hall.

By now some of the crowd were warming up to the impromptu 'not-so' novelty act, so much so they had to cool down by going outside to drink the winter air. The Women’s Section in particular were now clapping in unison to the mesmerising beat and swinging hips. 

Still the balloons inexplicably burst or flew off, momentarily exhibiting Thayne’s matrimonial peacemaker to anyone who dared look. Unabashed, the tight-head wholeheartedly trusted his dance partner to quickly recover the situation and ‘Bam-Bam’ boogied on, with his female cave dweller covered once more by resourceful Forbe-Adaire.

Finally the dance came to an end. A raucous round of applause shook the Cross Keys clubhouse.

Whether this event ended fixtures between the clubs remains a mystery. Were the pair were banned? Again this is lost in the sands of time, but coach Peter Evans believes the blubbery brace were not allowed back to Pandy Park because they couldn’t guarantee a booking for the Cross Keys RFCs Women’s Section Christmas party!